I have suffered from bipolar depression for as long as I can remember. My earliest childhood memories are tainted with the ominous occurrence of my illness despite growing up in a very adoring home with two types and caring parents. After a divorce in my late thirties, I found myself unable to manage the feelings of sadness that had permeated my living and often left myself unable to get out of bed.
Of course, these feelings had intensified as a result of my divorce, but even some time before I knew that something wasn’t quite right. I went to see a psycho therapist and my doctor, both of whom asked me when my symptoms started. I actually explained that I was fairly certain they started out the day I was born, which both told me was completely possible.
Since that time, I actually have tried different kinds of medications. From SSRI’s to MAO inhibitors, I have tried a lot of medications that I sometimes sensed like a guinea pig. I finally discovered a medication that worked for me and produced very few noticeable side effects. I am now experiencing good life more than I ever have and can honestly say that I feel like I never thought I would or even could.
Enjoying my life now is somewhat bittersweet as I look back over all the years that I spent in depression without even understanding that it was not natural. I knew something was different simply from observing the behavior of others and comparing it to mine, but I always thought of it to be my personality or “just the way I am”. I want to encourage others who experience expanded bouts of feeling down to get more advice about depression. There are a lot of resources available on the internet, and even your primary care physician can be of good assistance in helping one to determine if you suffer from depression. He or she may recommend that you talk to a specialist.
Had I actually known that my depression was correctable, I would have spent many more years enjoying my life rather than wondering why everyone else was enjoying theirs. Depression is manageable, and you too can enjoy a happy, effective life.
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